Almost Christmas

Its around 9am and I am thinking about the dinner that I have to prepare for thirteen of my boyfriends family members. I like them all very much so its basically an easy dinner. Since I am Italian and they are all German/Irish they love to eat Italian food. I am preparing an Italian fish dinner, just one day shy of Christmas eve when I am suppose to be making that kind of dinner. They also wanted to visit with other family members on Christmas eve and Christmas day so I agreed to make dinner tonight on Saturday instead.

I don't know why but around this time of year I get the blues. I should be happy but I sometimes feel so sad, its like a tug of war with my emotions. I think of my mom and dad, and also my uncle who are no longer living and it seems so strange to me.
I also think of friends I don't speak to over things that were so unimportant now.

This year I made one resolution, and only one, to release the past. I have tried this before and failed, but this year I am prepared. Many changes happened over the last year that have prepared me for my resolution, and I actually feel different within.

I know I am ready to start a different life this year, its as if I am shedding my old skin. My boyfriend says he has noticed many changes in my emotions, things that bothered me before, I don't even care about now. I wonder when I read this blog next year at this time, where I will be.

Sometimes I feel like the Charlie Brown tree, really not put together too well but still holding on to that one shiny glass ornament. This year I will try to put more ornaments on my tree.